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A few things that have been popping up in my head during the last week or two…

I woke up last Sunday and for some reason I was missing the sounds I used for Trillian to let me know when friends logged on our off. I miss instant messaging, and the Zuckerbook system doesn’t come anywhere close to filling the bill. Trillian’s interface and how it amalgamated the features of several messenger protocols/interfaces shows up in the first Love Meme? novel.

I’m 209 pages into the third and probable final Déjà vu novel, Presque Vu. I’ve finished part 1 of it. This is a situational project, so I don’t have much in the way of plot points. I’ve started setting up the plot for Love Meme? 3, and it’ll be way different from the first two (as it should be, because I don’t write formulaic novels). I’m up to part 13 of Z’s Story, which I’m writing at a thousand words or less a month using prompts given to us. Oh, and www.magnetsandladders.org has two of my stories in their current issue.

If any of y’all want to do a little writing on a monthly basis, let me know, because the Brainz group is looking for more members. One thousand words or less, but it can be nonfiction, fiction, poetry, or whatever else. This’ll also give you access to the monthly compilation; right now this is pretty much the only way to read my story of Z, a for the most part gender free set of stories about someone struggling with ADHD and also romantic relationships.

In the March 2025 issue of Scientific American, there’s an article about how choral, which people tend to think of as a fixed genome when the larvae become “adult”, are more adaptable than science has reported in the past. Corals in tropical waters are showing increased heat resistance as they experience dangerous warming periods. The interesting thing about this is that it’s easy to see when coral dies, because it bleaches out, but this isn’t happening as expected because the coral are adapting, up to and including releasing the algae used for coloration and bonding to other things that are more heat resistant. Cool.

In the same issue there’s an article about brain throughput, and recent studies have revealed a couple of things thought to be different – first off, cognitive throughput is at a rate of 10ms, or one hundred bits a second. This means that wiring someone’s head to a computer won’t be much faster than a telephone call. This bandwidth isn’t what we use for acquiring stimulus, so we can collect information much faster than we can act upon it and think about it. Another bummer for modern concepts of cognition, the studies have also shown that we’re not wired for multi-tasking or multithreading, it’s all single focus switching for those who can create the illusion of multi-processing. The same article discussed how much the ability to take in information is a function of sensory systems. This makes me think about the discussion I had with the professor teaching the Learning and Cognition course I took at TWU about eideticism – it’s the common belief that nobody has a tape recorder or video camera in our heads, we chunk in data, and how much data we chunk and the types of it is the “real” kernel of memory. In that discussion she floated a theory that eidetic individuals stored data better, so there was less interpolation involved when someone is accessing a long term memory, so the mind has more to use in bringing up something remembered. This seems to indicate that sensory input is also a factor; I know, for instance, that I’m not taking in much visual data these days, so it doesn’t factor in memories for me since 2003. But everything else seems to be on board and working the job.

Desire is so annoying.
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Four years ago right now I was prepped for surgery, waiting to get knocked out for a four hour surgery to give me a third and far more functional kidney. If I hadn't had that surgery I might be dead by now, because dialysis is a postponement of death, not a clock stopper. Of the five patients who started when that clinic first opened, only one other person is still alive at this point in time, and several others who went there are also in the big sleep. This is normal for the process -- it's a tightrope medical procedure.

Argh.

Mar. 24th, 2025 03:25 am
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Which one of you let Insomnia out of the jar again?
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Well, that didn’t go the way I thought it would.
I downloaded 11 books last week, some of which were magazines. Some were kind of short, so I found myself without books to read before [personal profile] lanalucy called for editing on Wednesday afternoon. I leaned on my movies to take up some of the dead time -- Duck Soup, His Girl Friday, Oppenheimer, Wild Hogs, Stargate Continuum, Office Space, Young Frankenstein, and a couple more, plus some recent Looney Tunes episodes, about ten of them. I have four of the Looney Tunes episodes left on my player. Fortunately, this week got me 19 new titles, though again some of them are a bit short, though a couple are also very long.

I’m consuming a lot of books and magazines in a given week. And I’m happy I got my hands on another book from one of my A-list writers, Seanan Maguire. For those of you interested, my A list is, in no particular order, Kristine Katherine Rusch, John Scalzi, Adam Troy Castro, Suzanne Palmer, Daryl Gregory, Natalie Zena Walshotz, Seanan Maguire, Neal Stephenson, and Jim Butcher to some extent. I’ll read anything they write.

Another good piece of news in the literary front – BARD has Last Dangerous Visions, so that’s one I’ll try to get to this week.

I’m hoping my descriptive movie source has things I want to listen to, because I’m about out of anything there. The last two months have gone a long way toward cleaning my player out close to empty.

I'm also knocking out short fiction. I've been writing some stuff that's edging on horror fiction a bit more.

Otherwise, I'm not thinking about the rough anniversaries coming up, because I'm tired of early April's event-induced depression.
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I wonder if they're feeling joy at what their action did ten days ago. Do they take pleasure in their decision to make my life look bleak? Or is this some sort of lesson they're propogating that life is hard and we're all flawed and happiness isn't real for humans?

A friend of mine (waves at friend) has me reassessing some elements of my life. I went through my contacts list this morning, looking for connections that aren't being nurtured by me. I came up zero there -- most of my entries in the contacts list are businesses. The few who are left after I culled the ones that were dead or no longer welcoming contact are either folks who aren't local or they're not someone I can call on in a crisis.

I'm weary of all this. On one hand I agree that those of us in this hate state (and BTW, I'm way pissed they're doing this to my ancestral home) need to be here so they don't think they've run us all off or pushed us past the grave. But there are limits to how much someone can be asked to take. I don't think of myself as someone with vast reserves of fortitude. And this kind of stuff reminds me that I've been swinging at the ball alone for a decade and a third at this point, so there is no close in support. I know that can change, and since we live in a universe of constant change it can happen anytime, so the likelihood is equal that it happens never and at 12:21pm today. But the preliminary steps for that aren't done, and I don't think I can muster the mental strength to do any of those things.

Yeah, I'm down today. I accept that feelings are ephemeral, and without thought they also tend to be brief, the spark that fans the fire of the mind. Still, either I'm getting hit over and over again with the feels or my brain is trying to kill me.

I'm considering disconnecting from all new inspirations so I can finish what I've got hanging out there. That will free me to no longer expend the effort, and I can get done with this struggle. And I bet some of them will smile and make another tic mark on their tally sheet, looking forward to the day when all of "my type of people" are gone.
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As of 11am today, my dad has been gone for five years. Amazing how time flies and manages to stay aloft carrying everything it does.

I got a decent resolution with him. My brother didn't, and he's hurt and angry about it, but something I don't say is that he created that situation by cutting Dad off (he cut me out of his life too). With Mom gone for so long (she and my two half sisters died in a car accident in 1981 -- I wish I'd had a chance to meet them, I didn't know they existed), My brother and I are orphans in the purest sense of the term. That's been different. Yeah, my stepmonster is still around, only the good die young, but she doesn't want to have me in her life and I definitely don't want her in mine -- everything these days is couched in political affiliation, and I have no knowledge of hers, though I am pretty sure I know what she'd say. That's not it, it's that she's a mean bigoted cigarette smoking drunk who's plagued by a Fundamentalist upbringing and sees only black and white in anything.

Five years. Time is weird with how it can plod along at the same time It's racing by in something else. Losing that foundation in my life has made me feel far more alone. Something to work on.

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